Chapter 13: “I” Can’t Be Found Anywhere
どこにもいない”私” (Doko ni mo Inai “Watashi”)
どこにもいない”私” (Doko ni mo Inai “Watashi”)
Character appearances:
Mafuyu (Child)
Mommy, Daddy, look! I got 100% on my test!
お父さん、お母さん！ 見て、テストで100点取れたよ！
Mafuyu’s Mother
That’s amazing, Mafuyu.
It was a good thing that you studied so hard, wasn’t it?
It was a good thing that you studied so hard, wasn’t it?
すごいわね、まふゆ。 一生懸命勉強して良かったわね
Mafuyu’s Father
I heard that you were working very hard every single day.
You really are such a good girl, Mafuyu.
You really are such a good girl, Mafuyu.
毎日頑張ってたって聞いたぞ。 まふゆは本当にいい子だな
Mafuyu (Child)
Ehehe, I’m so happy…!
I’m gonna work even harder so that I can get another good grade!
I’m gonna work even harder so that I can get another good grade!
えへへ、うれしい……！ 次もいい点取れるように、もっとがんばるね！
Mafuyu (Middle school)
I’m home.
ただいま
Mafuyu’s Mother
Welcome home, Mafuyu.
Dinner’s ready. Come and help yourself.
Dinner’s ready. Come and help yourself.
おかえりなさい、まふゆ。 お夕飯できてるわよ。さ、召し上がれ
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Woah, dinner looks amazing again tonight!
I’ll dig in, then.
I’ll dig in, then.
わぁ、今日のご飯もおいしそう！ いただきます
Mafuyu’s Father
Mafuyu, what’s your homework for tonight?
まふゆ、今日の宿題はなんだったんだ？
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Maths… oh, and an essay.
The prompt was about our dreams for the future.
The prompt was about our dreams for the future.
数学と、あと作文が出てるよ。 将来の夢について書くんだ
Mafuyu’s Mother
I see. What do you want to be when you grow up, Mafuyu?
そうなのね。まふゆは将来何になりたいの？
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Umm, you see… I… want to be a nurse.
I want to be able to help people who are ill…
I want to be able to help people who are ill…
あのね、私、看護師になりたいの。 病気で困ってる人の役に立ちたくて……
Mafuyu’s Mother
Ah… is that so.
あら……そうなの
Mafuyu’s Mother
But… if you want to help people who are ill,
then don’t you think that there are better professions to choose from?
then don’t you think that there are better professions to choose from?
でも、病気で困ってる人の役に立ちたいなら、 もっといい職業があるんじゃないかしら？
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Huh?
え？
Mafuyu’s Mother
Being a nurse is a wonderful job, but…
If you’re already planning on pursuing a medical path, how about becoming a doctor?
If you’re already planning on pursuing a medical path, how about becoming a doctor?
看護師も素敵な仕事だけど……。 せっかく医療系の道に進むつもりなら、お医者さんはどう？
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Oh, but I…
でも私……
Mafuyu’s Father
I agree. Becoming a doctor would be a perfect fit for our Mafuyu.
Her academic abilities are already ideal for the job.
Her academic abilities are already ideal for the job.
そうだな。医者はまふゆにぴったりだな。 学力も申し分ないだろう
Mafuyu’s Mother
If you become a doctor, Mafuyu,
you’ll make sure to take care of us two, won’t you? Hehe.
you’ll make sure to take care of us two, won’t you? Hehe.
まふゆがお医者さんになってくれたら、 お母さん達もみてもらえるわね？ ふふっ
Mafuyu (Middle school)
…………
…………
Mafuyu’s Father
We’ll pay the tuition fee,
so work hard to get into a school that’ll create a good environment for you to focus on your studies.
so work hard to get into a school that’ll create a good environment for you to focus on your studies.
学費は出してやれるんだから、 いい環境で勉強できるように頑張るんだぞ
Mafuyu’s Mother
Your mother’s cheering for you, too, Mafuyu.
Work hard!
Work hard!
お母さんもまふゆのこと、応援してるわ。 頑張ってね！
Mafuyu (Middle school)
O… Okay…
う……うん……
Mafuyu (Middle school)
…Mom, Dad, thank you for thinking of me.
I’ll work hard.
I’ll work hard.
……色々考えてくれてありがとう、お父さん、お母さん。 私、頑張るね
Mafuyu (Middle school)
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…………
Mafuyu (Middle school)
If Mom and Dad are giving me their support…
…then I’m sure… that is what I should do.
…then I’m sure… that is what I should do.
お父さんとお母さんが応援してくれるなら、 ……きっと、そのほうがいいんだよね
Mafuyu (Middle school)
That is… what would make them happy…
そのほうが……喜んでくれるよね……
Classmate A
Ah. Asahina-san, are you free tomorrow?
あ。朝比奈さん、明日って暇？
Classmate B
We were making plans with the other girls in class to head to that new arcade…
Would you want to come with us, Asahina-san?
Would you want to come with us, Asahina-san?
クラスの何人かで新しくできたゲーセン行こうって 話してるんだけど、朝比奈さんも行かない？
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Ah, yes, I’d also like to…
あ、うん、私も行きた……
Classmate C
C’mon, there’s no way Asahina-san would come!
She’s an honors student, you know?
She’s an honors student, you know?
もー、朝比奈さんが行くわけないじゃん！ 学年一の優等生だよ？
Classmate C
She goes to clubs and tournaments, and she studies super hard,
so obviously she’s gonna have no time to hang out and stuff!
so obviously she’s gonna have no time to hang out and stuff!
部活も都大会とか行っちゃうし、勉強もがんばってるんだし、 遊びに行く暇ないに決まってるでしょー
Classmate A
Ah… I guess you’re right…
Sorry about that, Asahina-san.
Sorry about that, Asahina-san.
あ、それもそっか……。 ごめんね、朝比奈さん
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Ah…
あ……
Mafuyu (Middle school)
…It’s okay. Ask me… again sometime.
……うん。また、誘って
Teacher
Asahina-san, I read the essay you handed in the other day.
You want to be a doctor, don’t you?
You want to be a doctor, don’t you?
朝比奈さん、この間の作文読んだわ。 お医者さんになりたいのね
Mafuyu (Middle school)
…Yes, I do.
……はい、そうです
Teacher
That’s a wonderful dream.
Knowing you, I’m sure you’ll become a splendid doctor, Asahina-san.
Knowing you, I’m sure you’ll become a splendid doctor, Asahina-san.
素敵な夢ね。 朝比奈さんなら、きっと良いお医者さんになれると思うわ
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Thank you very much.
I’ll study even harder than I have before.
I’ll study even harder than I have before.
ありがとうございます。 今まで以上に、勉強頑張ります
Teacher
Well, I’ll be cheering for you.
If there’s ever anything you’re unsure about, feel free to ask me, alright?
If there’s ever anything you’re unsure about, feel free to ask me, alright?
ええ、応援してるわ。 何かわからないことがあったら、いつでも聞いてちょうだいね
Mafuyu (Middle school)
I will.
はい
Friend A
Oh, Mafuyu, you’re gonna become a doctor?
That’s so coo~ol!
That’s so coo~ol!
え、まふゆって医者になるの？ すご〜い！
Friend B
Fits her to a T~!
She’s kind, and she’s really good at looking after everyone… Mafuyu’d make a perfect doctor!
She’s kind, and she’s really good at looking after everyone… Mafuyu’d make a perfect doctor!
ぴったりだね〜！ 優しくて面倒見がいいし……まふゆに向いてるよ！
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Oh geez, it’s not like I can be sure that I’ll definitely become a doctor.
But… it makes me happy to hear you say that I’d make a good one.
But… it makes me happy to hear you say that I’d make a good one.
もう、なれるって決まったわけじゃないから。 でも、向いてるって言ってもらえて嬉しいな
Mafuyu (Middle school)
(...Everyone’s… smiling.)
（……みんな、笑ってくれてる）
Mafuyu (Middle school)
(If everyone’s happy, then…
I’m sure that this was the right decision after all.)
I’m sure that this was the right decision after all.)
（みんなが喜んでくれるなら、 やっぱり、これであってたんだよね）
Mafuyu (Middle school)
(If Mom and Dad
and my friends in class and my teachers… if everyone’s happy… then I’m sure…)
and my friends in class and my teachers… if everyone’s happy… then I’m sure…)
（お父さんも、お母さんも、 クラスの友達も先生も、みんな、喜んでくれるなら……これで）
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Mafuyu's Mother
Mafuyu, well done with your studying. I bought you a cake, so I’ll leave it here.
It’s from a fairly famous store, so I’m sure it’ll be delicious.
It’s from a fairly famous store, so I’m sure it’ll be delicious.
まふゆ、勉強お疲れ様。ケーキ買ってきたから、置いておくわね。 有名なお店のやつだから、きっとおいしいと思うわ
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Thank you, Mom.
ありがとう、お母さん
Mafuyu (Middle school)
…Maybe I should… take a break.
……休憩、しようかな
Mafuyu (Middle school)
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Mafuyu (Middle school)
(...This cake… doesn’t really have any flavour…
Is it delicious…?
But Mom says it’s delicious, so I’m sure it must be.)
Is it delicious…?
But Mom says it’s delicious, so I’m sure it must be.)
（……このケーキ、あんまり味がしない……。 おいしいのかな。 でも、お母さんがおいしいって言ってたからおいしいんだろうな）
Mafuyu (Middle school)
(But… it’s not just this cake.
Recently, I don’t taste any flavour in the food the restaurants make, or the food Mom makes.)
Recently, I don’t taste any flavour in the food the restaurants make, or the food Mom makes.)
（でも、ケーキだけじゃない。 レストランの料理もお母さんの料理も、最近味がしない）
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Maybe I’m overthinking it.
I should do go something I like for a change of pa…
I should do go something I like for a change of pa…
気にしすぎかな。 気分転換に好きなことでも……
Mafuyu (Middle school)
…Huh?
……あれ？
Mafuyu (Middle school)
What… do I like to do, again…?
私、何が好きだったんだっけ……
Mafuyu (Middle school)
……Ahaha. That’s weird.
Maybe I’m just exhausted from studying all the time.
Maybe I’m just exhausted from studying all the time.
…………あはは。変だな。 勉強ばっかりで疲れてるのかな、私
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Oh, right. I should listen to that song
everyone was telling me about yesterday.
everyone was telling me about yesterday.
そうだ。昨日みんなに教えてもらった曲、 聴いてみなくちゃ
Mafuyu (Middle school)
It’s a really bright, fun song…
すごく明るくて楽しい曲……
Mafuyu (Middle school)
……I wonder… what is a fun song…?
…………楽しい曲……なんだろうな
Mafuyu (Middle school)
…I don’t know…
……わからない……
Mafuyu (Middle school)
What did I used to like…?
What did I… used to do?
What did I… used to do?
私は何が好きだった……？ 何が、したかった……？
Mafuyu (Middle school)
Where…… did I go…?
私は…………どこにいるの……？
Mafuyu
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…………
Mafuyu
Even though I searched, over and over… Even though I made songs, over and over…
探しても、探しても、曲を作っても、作っても
Mafuyu
I still couldn’t… find it, after all.
結局……見つからなかった
Mafuyu
It’s… okay now, right… Miku?
もう、いいよね……ミク